The Best Ashley Madison Alternatives, and Who Each One Suits

01Why people look for an alternative

The reasons we hear fall into three groups. The first is history: Ashley Madison was breached in July 2015, more than 36 million users’ data was exposed according to the FTC, and that leaked data was still being used in extortion emails in 2020. Some people simply don’t want to hand their details to the same corporate line, rebrand or not.

The second is money. Ashley Madison’s terms say that, depending on where you live, you may spend credits to start conversations, and that feature costs in credits can change without notice. Credits make a month’s cost hard to predict.

The third is fit. Ashley Madison is a generalist for attached people. Some readers want something narrower, broader or more honest about their situation. The four options below cover each of those cases.

02Quick comparison

What each alternative states publicly. We don’t list prices because they vary by country and promotion; the checkout page shows the real figure.

031. Victoria Milan: the discreet pick

Victoria Milan is built for the same audience as Ashley Madison, people who are married or attached, and it’s our #1 in this category. It has been running since 2010, is operated by Nextlove Limited in Malta, and its payments are collected by a separate company. The help center says the VictoriaMilan name never appears on your bank statement.

What makes it the best alternative is the toolkit. You can blur any part of a photo or place a mask over your face, lock private photos behind Private Keys that only you approve, hit a panic button that loads YouTube, and set automatic log-out. Memberships are charged once, upfront, so there’s no credit meter running while you chat. Free members can browse, search, wink and save favorites; messaging requires Premium.

Be clear-eyed about the terms. They disclose computer-generated “virtual hottie” profiles, tagged as such, and say some profiles may be fictitious. Renewals bill at the undiscounted price, with a notice period of 14 days for 1- and 3-month packages and 28 days for 6- and 12-month ones. Deletion means emailing support. Read our full Victoria Milan review before you buy.

If you’re leaving Ashley Madison because of credits or its breach history, Victoria Milan addresses both: a fixed price and no comparable breach in the sources we checked.

042. Cougar Life: narrower, same family history

Cougar Life is for confident women who want to date younger men, and younger men who want to date them. Its app listing says women can start a conversation with anyone at no charge, while other actions run on credits, and that members can keep photos private. Messages are stored for 90 days.

One thing to know if you’re leaving Ashley Madison for corporate reasons: in July 2015, KrebsOnSecurity reported Cougar Life as one of Avid Life Media’s related sites, alongside Ashley Madison. Today the app is published by Cougar Life Inc. Switching to it may not put as much distance between you and that history as you’d like. The listing also notes that all photos shown are of models.

053. Fling.com: broad and casual

Fling.com is a general casual dating site with messaging, video chat, cam-to-cam and public video rooms. It’s operated in the US from Miami Beach, Florida, and markets itself as having been online for more than 15 years. Its FAQ describes a “discreet” profile option that limits your photos to people on your friends list, and a Delete Account option in settings.

It isn’t built around married users, which is the main difference from Victoria Milan and Ashley Madison. You’ll be talking to singles and attached people alike, so be upfront in your profile. The terms say all memberships renew automatically, and cancellation goes through customer service or the billing section of your account. If you only want to try it, cancel the renewal on day one.

064. Feeld: when it isn’t really a secret

If your partner knows, and you’ve agreed to see other people, you don’t need an affair site. You need a non-monogamy app. Feeld is the best known: it describes itself as a place to connect with open-minded people, and it offers more than 20 gender identities and 20-plus sexualities.

Its Constellations feature lets you link your profile with up to five partners. Other members see that you’re linked, but your chats, photos and profile details stay separate. Feeld is free to download and use, with an optional Majestic subscription that adds features like seeing who liked you and private photos for connections. Bought on an iPhone, it’s billed through the App Store and shows as Apple on the statement. Our open-marriage guide covers how to set it up as a couple.

07How to switch without leaving a trail

Leaving one site for another is when people make mistakes: reused photos, the same email, a forgotten subscription. Here’s the order we’d follow.

• On Ashley Madison, cancel any subscription on the website: Settings, Purchases, Active Subscriptions.
• Then delete, not just deactivate, from account settings, and file a data erasure request to shorten the six-month retention window. Unused credits are lost.
• Create a brand-new email for the new site. Don’t reuse the old one, which may be in old leaks.
• Don’t reuse profile photos. Reverse image search can link accounts in seconds.
• On the new site, use the photo blur, masks or private albums before uploading a clear face.
• Never send money or gift cards to someone you haven’t met, as the FTC advises, and don’t pay anyone who threatens to expose you.